


A Lament to the Stars

by ephona



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Drabble, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 18:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3178538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephona/pseuds/ephona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the events of Phantom Rouge.  Kurapika begins to ponder why such a thing has befallen him and wonders: is this actually what I wanted in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lament to the Stars

Cold night air touched his face as a breeze came through the open window. No one had bothered to close it after Hisoka had left.  But it felt nice, the midnight air on his pale cheeks.  It gave him a sense of feeling he hadn’t noticed he had since the day he saw bloodshed.  He realized how much he could feel.  The soft roughness of the cotton bedsheets on his legs, the sensation of his own tears running down off his bandage and onto his cheeks, even the warmth of Leorio’s hand as he had guided him from his bed towards the bathroom.  He was so used to all of these feelings but without his eyes they seemed to mean more to him than ever.  How had he not realized these simple things before?

Fingers clenched a bit of his blanket.  Had he really been so numb before?  He wasn’t too sure.  But just spending a night in the hospital being waited on by Leorio had made him feel something he hadn’t really felt ever since he was young: love.  How long had it been since he felt such care?  It wasn’t when Gon had helped them through the Exam, that was more of a friendship.  Nor was it Melody’s kind words.  It was when he had been sick with a terrible fever when he was young.  The smell of homemade soup, the gentle touch of his mother’s hand on his forehead … The thought of feeling that love instantly brought a crippling pain to his heart.  Now, he could feel the pain of the Judgement Chain pointed at his heart as the vital muscle pumped blood through his whole body.  

"M-Mother … Father … P-Pairo." His own voice caused more tears to come out of his lonely ducts dampening the linen around his eye sockets.  Pairo now has one of the only things he treasured more than anything, his own eyes.  A symbol of his clan embedded straight into his body.  The only thing the outside world knew of his clan Pairo now had.  The only pair of living Kurata eyes.  His heart felt immensely broken by the thought.  How as he to carry on his forgotten clan pride?  But, at the same time, he felt overjoyed.  Pairo, abet the actual Pairo or an aspiration of him, now had working eyes.  That was the only thing Pairo had wished for.  He had often lamented as a child why Pairo couldn’t have his eyes.  All of this seemed ironic but very refreshing.  He clutched his chest as he felt the chains around his heart and began to cry even more.  Thoughts wouldn’t stop haunting him.  Who was he now that his eyes were gone?  What purpose did he have?  Why were Gon and Killua out looking for his eyes when Pairo had them?  Pairo needed them more than he did, didn’t he?  Why was any of this happening? What part of his soul should he stay true to?

"Kurapika? Hey, Kurapika. Kurapika, you all right?" A lukewarm hand touched his cheek sending a shiver down his spine.  He knew just from the dry callused feel of the hand who it was.  Tears began to spill out from under his bandages, his cheek leaning into the hand.

"L-Leorio … Leorio!" He leaned in more, his arms lunging forward and falling onto his chest.  Sobs heaved up more tears and caused his entire frame to shake.  "Leorio, I-I don’t know what’s right anymore!  I … I don’t know why I’m fighting!"

"H-hey, calm down. Just take a few deep breaths before you start explaining." Leorio’s hands fell on his back and began patting him like his Mother would when he cried.  "You’ll just make yourself worse.  Just relax. Breathe in, breathe out … "

"Why is this so hard? Why did any of this happen? They did nothing wrong! I did nothing wrong!  Why … why am I suffering like this?"

"Life is hard, Kurapika. But I’m here.  Gon and Killua are here to help.  Dont’ worry."

"But Pairo! A-and my family … I’m sorry!" His wails turned into a lament to the stars.  "I’m sorry I’ve failed you all! I’m so worthless! Why must I be chosen to avenge you all when I’m so frail and stupid?"

Leorio pulled him fast into a hug, shushing him.  ”Kurapika they can’t hear you.  Stop hurting yourself like this.”

"Why must I go through all this? Mother! Father!"

"Kurapika, please."

"Pairo! Pairo if you can hear me—"

"He can’t hear you, Kurapika!"

"If you can hear me, please help me! I want them back! I want my eyes back! I’m sorry I’m so selfish just please—"

His breath stopped.  A new sensation fell plainly and calmly onto his lips stopping all words from coming into the open night air.  His heart began to race, pumping furiously against the chains.  A pocket of warm air came out as the feeling left.  A kiss.  That was a kiss.  The kiss fell again on his forehead along with the following words burrowing into his ears.

"Go back to sleep, Kurapika.  You’ve had a long day.  I promise I’ll help you and Pairo.  Just lie down and sleep for now."  

Those same hands laid him back into his bed, brushing his blond locks out of his face and giving him yet another kiss on his lips.  ”I love you, Kurapika.  Get some sleep. I’ll be right beside you until you wake up.”


End file.
